does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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