if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize