: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
