Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
