hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
