whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
