Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Someone signed my nipple.
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