im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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