I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
