I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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