I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
