Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
