I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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