You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
