i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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