drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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