Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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