i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend