i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
