Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
