Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
