omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
