woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
