Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
