I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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