...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
