He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
