Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
two words...techno handjob
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
