so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
