I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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