Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
