I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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