She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
