Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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