I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
