He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
