we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
