nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will be naked everywhere
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
