your thong is hanging out like whoa
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
