by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
