Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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