Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
