Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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