You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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