I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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