i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
