Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My dick has a subreddit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
