Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
