I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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