I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
