Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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