dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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