sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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