Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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