I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder