my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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