dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that