why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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