I'm jealous of your bromance
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?