i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
